Episode 87

The relationship between self-worth and wealth

with Ellie Swift

One of the big blocks that might be stopping you creating wealth and money in your business, is a lack of self-worth.

In today’s episode, I chat to Ellie Swift about how to create an unshakable sense of self-worth so you can magnetise the wealth you desire.

 

In this Episode:

  • 03.01: Ellie’s money journey
  • 07.58: Defining self-worth and the difference between self-worth and confidence
  • 14.10: Top tips for improving your worthiness of wealth
  • 24.39: The relationship between self-worth and wealth

 

Links:

Ellie’s Bio

Ellie Swift is a Mindset & Marketing Coach and International Speaker for high-performing women who are ready to build heart-driven, intentional and abundant online businesses.

Using her signature Swift Marketing Method, Ellie helps service-based business owners connect with their customers, shine online, and create life-changing results (for both themselves & their clients).

Ellie spent the last decade working in marketing in London, Sydney, and Perth, achieving her goal of Head of Marketing Strategy by the age of 28 before making the transition into her business. She has built a multi-six figure business in under two years and has supported her clients as they’ve created five-figure+ launches, doubled their income and completely transformed their businesses (and lives!) through both mindset and marketing.

 

Transcription

One of the big blocks that might be stopping you creating wealth and money in your business, is a lack of self-worth. In today’s episode, I chat to Ellie Swift about how to create an unshakable sense of self-worth so you can magnetise the wealth you desire.

 

Hello and welcome to The Clare Wood Podcast, where myself and incredible guests share about money mindset, financial successes, and how to manage your money in a fun and practical way to create wealth and abundance in both your business and your life. I’m your host, Clare Wood. I’m a business coach and a money mentor. I strongly believe that money has the power to positively change the world. I can’t wait to help you transform your mindset around money, create a love of numbers, and build the business of your dreams so you can live a life of financial freedom, giving, and global impact.

 

I have an amazing guest who I am so excited to share with you. Her name is Ellie Swift. She is a marketing and mindset coach and today we’re going to be diving into a super interesting topic. I can’t wait to get started, but for now I’ll hand over to Ellie and let her do a quick intro to herself.

 

Ellie:

Beautiful. Hi, I’m so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. I’m a marketing and mindset coach. I work with incredible online coaches, creatives, and consultants to help them build thriving, sustainable, abundant online businesses. I’ve been in business for the last three to four years. Something around that time, one day I’ll work out the official day I started so that I can sound a little bit more official when I’m introducing myself on podcast interviews. I created this with marketing methods, so the way that I predominantly work with my clients now is through my Swift Marketing Mastermind and Swift Inner Circle group programs and a bunch of courses, as well. That’s the business in a nutshell.

 

Clare:

Amazing. I can tell you’re in marketing. I know you guys can’t see this obviously because this is a podcast, but Ellie is sitting there with this beautiful mic, a gorgeous set up in the background. We can see each other via Zoom while we’re chatting to each other. And I’m here huddled in a wardrobe literally with my dressing gowns. She is definitely the marketing queen and I can’t wait to pick her brains on the podcast today. Ellie, today we’re going to be talking about the relationship between self worth and your wealth. Maybe before we get into it, if you could maybe start with sharing a little bit about your money journey and what puts you in a position of authority to be talking about building wealth in your business.

 

Ellie’s money journey

 

Ellie:

I guess the best way to start talking about it is sharing my journey of working before I came to move into my business. I grew up in a pretty standard middle-class family and I think it’s just worth honoring and acknowledging first and foremost that in that there is, of course, quite a level of privilege being someone who is Caucasian growing up in middle-class family is probably, I think in the top 0.3% of the world in terms of wealth. I don’t know what the actual studies are, that’s very much me just making up a figure, but I know it’s something wildly similar to that in that it’s very small. That said, I very much grew up just with parents who were hardworking humans. There was a lot of “money doesn’t grow on trees” stories that permeated my childhood.

 

And then, I very much went on to then create my own money from day one. I moved out of home when I was 17. I have a great relationship with my family, but I was wildly independent and I was pretty much self-sufficient. I would say from about the age of 17, I went and studied in Perth an hour away from my house where I’d grown up. And then, I moved to London on my own at 21. And so, I had thrust myself always into being somebody who was very financially independent and took care of myself. I then went to work in marketing for about 10 years. I started that in like a grad role where I’d know nothing and would be in London, living on the edge until the next payday, like so many of my friends at that time. Over time, obviously working in corporate my salary got bigger and better. My last role before I moved across into my business was in head of marketing strategy where I was on a great six figure corporate salary. And then I transitioned into my business.

 

It’s interesting the way you asked this question because I never ever have necessarily thought of myself as an authority on wealth. I still wouldn’t even describe myself in that way. I very much have always worked in mindset and marketing and now obviously mentoring other online coaches, creatives, and consultants. The conversation of money comes up so much and I always share my own experience. I would say that I feel quite proud in the way that I have gone on to build and earn money in my business in that I’ve spent a lot of time practically and strategically considering what my numbers look like within my business and knowing those really intimately and then making really strategic decisions based on that.

 

Also, I’m not afraid to price myself in terms of what I believe that offer might be worthy of at that time. In addition to that, being a mindset coach, I have done a s***load of work around my money mindset over the last few years. That I would say in a nutshell has been my relationship to money. Now, the business is at a point where we are on track to make seven figures this year, which still feels wild to say out loud because it’s at a point where that may happen and it may not. And so, it’s a beautiful exciting place to be in. I do feel coaching women who are building businesses there is an element of, okay, I know I’m making smart, strategic informed choices if I’m telling you to go and speak to your accountant about this and to go and get a financial advisor around this and to be looking at your numbers every single day. I hope that answered your question. It was a good one.

 

Clare:

Yeah, absolutely. It’s really interesting and when we dive into this a bit more. Talking about money is always a bit of a funny one, isn’t it? And it feels kind of strange to own this space, which is what you do. You do support people to build really profitable businesses, to generate more wealth, and to have the freedom to make more choices in their lives.

 

Let’s go back to talking about self-worth. Perhaps we could start, in your mind, how do you define what self-worth is?

 

 

Defining self-worth and the difference between self-worth and confidence

 

Ellie:

Being somebody who is a mindset coach, is half of what I do, when I think about self-worth it is essentially your perception of self. So, self-worth is the worth that you believe you have. We often hear people say they have low self-worth or someone has really, really high self-worth. It’s set in a way where it’s like, “Oh, that person’s got high self-worth.” Is that a great thing? Which yes, the answer is always yes, it is an excellent thing. It’s almost like this sliding scale where I believe that we are inherently born worthy as f**k. We’re born so, so worthy and then over time, based on our life experiences, based on so many things, our levels of privilege, our lived experiences and whatever else, we might have things within us where we start to believe stories about not being worthy especially as women. Self-worth essentially is the way you perceive yourself and how worthy you perceive yourself to be.

 

Clare:

Like worthy of success, worthy of love, worthy of money. Really interesting. On that note, is self-worth confidence or the two things different from each other?

 

Ellie:

Look, I see them as being different things because I think that confidence is more about how you’re showing up. Look, this is a good way of looking at it because I’ve never necessarily thought of the two as being similar or different because I’m not someone who teaches specifically around confidence. But, confidence is more like how you’re showing up and presenting. I would think of it as, what is the way that you’re presenting to the world? Whereas, that worth piece is more layered. I think that depending on how you’re talking about it, you would find that people often are speaking to the same concept. But if I was talking about confidence, I would be more going confidence is that way that you’re projecting yourself and sharing and showing up in the world and self-worth is more of that work, which really relates back to mindset, which is what I talk about.

 

Clare:

Oh, I love that Ellie and I definitely can see that distinction and it’s a really fantastic way of explaining it. When we talk about self-worth, we’re talking about how worthy we feel of deserving something. If someone is listening and thinking, it’s all well and good to say that, but I don’t know. I just don’t know whether I do deserve these things or I feel crap about myself. How can I turn that story around? What advice would you give to them?

 

Ellie:

Turning a story around or reframing something is going to feel really, really challenging if you’re not looking at why that lack of worth exists in the first place. The first thing that I would really recommend doing, if you’re feeling lack of worth around a particular thing, let’s just say, for example that you’re feeling lack of worth around receiving a certain amount of money in a launch. If there is stuff going on around that, just simply reframing to, I am worthy of $50,000 or I am worthy of $10,000 or whatever it is, is never going to be enough if we’re just talking about that as something that is masking other internal feelings. Because when we’re talking about mindset work, which is essentially what we’re doing, we’re talking about reframing, 90% of our mindset is our subconscious programming and 10% is our conscious programming.

 

So, by us just trying to shift and go, I’m just going to try and reframe that in our 10% conscious programming, where essentially ignoring this other 90%, which is all our subconscious programming, which was set predominantly before the age of 12 years old. So, most of our makeup in terms of our mindset, in terms of the way we think, in terms of the way we view the world was created before we were 12 years old. And so, simply reframing it isn’t necessarily going to work, but what will work is looking at, well, why do I feel this way? Where does that lack of self-worth come from? Working with a coach around this is always going to be such an amazing way to process that. I think especially if you’re navigating any kind of worth stuff, I would always recommend doing it with another person who can hold you.

 

But, during that process ultimately you want to start to unwrap or unravel, well, where does this come from? Why do I feel that way? Is it because I had an experience that meant I don’t think I’m worthy of money? Is it that I remember conversations that my parents used to have around money where they would say certain things to one another and that would leave my mom or my dad feeling a certain way and then I would feel that, as well and that didn’t feel good. So, it’s really uncovering what those stories are and then being able to process them and change that story for yourself. But to do so, especially in relation to money, you’ve got to process what that looks like rather than trying to mask it. Because in trying to mask it, there’s probably still deep subconscious programming that’ll be like, “Hang on a second. We’re not doing that. We need to do some deeper work.”

 

Clare:

Okay, great. First tip you’ve got around is rather than just try and consciously say, “Oh, that’s not right,” actually really dig a lot deeper and try and understand what’s going on and to do it in the support of someone who can hold that space for you.

 

Ellie:

Definitely.

 

Top tips for improving your worthiness of wealth

 

Clare:

What are some other tips that you’ve got around improving your worthiness of wealth? Because even in my business journey now, things just pop up all the time. I think I’ll be like, “Yes, I’m so deserving. I’m so ready for this.” And then, all stories just pop their head up right there. The scarcity kicks in to a point, like a launch might not go to plan and suddenly your mind can be back at almost that square one space again. Have you got any other suggestions around, I don’t know, how to stay vibing high, how to keep on loving yourself and trusting that work that you are doing that you are truly worthy?

 

Ellie:

It’s really interesting that you asked that because what I find to be true is that when we’re scaling or building or in our businesses or where leaping forward in all these amazing ways, what I find is that it’s the same mindset stuff that comes up again and again. Like new level, same devil. Rarely is it that way, like whole new devil that I’ve never met before, it’s always that same devil that you met back when you were at one of your business journey or before that. I think that’s really helpful to know because like you said before, it can almost feel you’re regressing or you’re reverting. You’re like, “Hang on a second. I process this, I’ve done this. What is this about?” Exercising self-compassion when that happens first and foremost and knowing that actually that’s a sign that you’re simply taking things to another level.

 

So, if you experience those mindset wobbles that you perhaps processed back when you made your first, gosh 10k, which would have been so long ago for you. It might be that, Okay, I can exercise self-compassion right now and know that this just simply means that I’m taking things to a new level and this worst stuff comes up for me every time I’m moving to that new level. Self-compassion first and foremost, because it’s usually new level, same devil. And then, in doing so, quite often it’s repetition of that thing. I know that that sounds boring and not very exciting and not very sexy, but it’s true. With so much mindset work and I’m sure you can and attest to this Clare, it is about doing that same process over and over and over again because our brain thrives and creates new neural pathways through repetitive thought.

 

It’s a reminder because it might be this new evidence that says you can’t do that thing, that’s not true for you, and so it’s going back to actually I can. Actually, I’m going to step through this process again and again and again and come out stronger even though I’m just hitting the speed bump right now. In terms of what you said about coming back to vibing high in that moment, I’m such a big fan of recognizing that that thing is there, being aware of it, processing it and detaching from it.

 

You can be in a space where you can feel really challenged by that mindset thing that’s coming up for you and having your biggest month ever. You can be going through the biggest money wobble of your life and still perhaps having your biggest launch you ever had. I think knowing that both can occur at the same time and often they do, and that’s really supportive to know because I think that we experience a bit of fear around, “I just need to get back to equilibrium and feeling I’m in that really high vibe, amazing state.” It’s like, “Actually I can process this and energetically trust that I’m still good.”

 

Clare:

Oh, yeah. A 100%. It’s so funny, isn’t it? How that can happen. We can have a month where you don’t necessarily hit the numbers that you think and you’re, “Yeah, totally. It’s fine. The money is all coming. I’m just having a bit of a slow month right now.” And yet other times, if you hit that same number, you sleep into a cycle of scarcity. Was it a fluke when I had that big month before? I love that you’re suggesting to exercise self-compassion and to remember that if you have been in that state before, you can get back there again.

 

Ellie:

A 100%.

 

Clare:

We’re doing the worth work and things are starting to come together as they often do. We are starting to go, “Wow, this is coming in. It feels so good. It feels so aligned to where I’m at and what I think I’m worthy and deserving of.” I say this all the time that people going to be, “Once I hit a $15,000 a month, I’m going to be so happy. I’m never going to want anything more.” And then we get their business to there and then, like, “Well, it’s still not enough. I want to get to the next stage.” I’d love to know when you are growing and you are succeeding and you are creating the wealth that you dreamt of, what are your suggestions around sitting in that space and what to do when you do achieve those goals?

 

Ellie:

Essentially what you’re talking about is having those really solid foundations that support you to get to that place, but you might get to that place without having those really solid foundations. When you get to that place, you start to realise, “Oh, I’m on shaky ground here. I don’t quite know how I got to this point and I’ve got some work to do and I think…” Or get to that point and you’re like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thought I’d be really happy right now, but actually no. I’ve got deeper work to do because my happiness actually isn’t tied to this 15 grand or whatever it might be.” Ultimately, when we’re calling in or wanting to create anything in our life, we want to start by getting really, really clear on the energy of what it is that we want to be in.

 

Essentially, we’re talking about manifestation now. So, knowing how we really want to feel every single day in our lives, in our businesses, how we want to show up, what does that look like? And when you’re really clear on that, for example, I want to feel incredibly abundant in my business, I want to feel free, I want to feel I’ve got time freedom and choice freedom and I want to feel wildly joyful 90% of the time, all of those things. Knowing that, first and foremost, and cultivating and creating ways to be in that energy allows you to call in more of the same. And so, wherever you’re at right now, that would be the first foundation that I would always recommend creating. Is like, what does that look like for you? I think then, with that in mind, what can happen is if you do get to that point where you’re focused on those external metrics first or those external successes first to feel those feelings, you can often get to that place and you’re like, “Oh s**t, this doesn’t feel that good. This just doesn’t feel that good. Why doesn’t this feel that good?” Because I tied all my worth to this external thing. And I haven’t actually focused on prioritizing how I truly want to feel no matter what’s happening outside of me. And that’s when we feel that shaky ground that you explained before. And so, it really is then about thinking about what it is that we value and what it is that we want to feel and not attaching that worth or the creation of energy to those specific things. The way that I look about this… Look, let’s just set the record straight that this concept is easier said than done.

 

I feel when we’re talking about calling in anything into your life, because ultimately we’re talking about detachment and it’s the hardest concept. Ultimately we’re saying shoot for everything you want, go after it, but then be totally okay if you don’t get it. Being able to trust and I think about this all the time, like if my business went away tomorrow, I’d be fine. I’d be safe. I’d be okay. I’d be very happy with who I am as a human. Knowing that allows me to create, allows me to show up, allows me to take risks, allows me to know that I can go off to things but not place expectation on them. It allows me to come back to equilibrium over and over and over again. Reminding yourself in those moments of, I am not my business, I am not this dollar value, I am not this launch, I am not the s**tty thing that I just read on the internet about me, and coming back to those solid foundations. Being able to detach from what’s around you.

 

Clare:

Yeah. Amazing. Let’s think of a way… Because if people are new to this concept, they might be struggling to wrap their head around it. I know when I first heard, I was like, “That makes literally no sense.”

 

Ellie:

We’re basically saying go after the thing, give it your all, but totally be okay if it doesn’t happen. It’s like an oxymoron.

 

Clare:

Is there a non-business or a non-money way that you can explain it that people might be able to connect with? That would be amazing.

 

The relationship between self-worth and wealth

 

Ellie:

Definitely. An example that I really love to give is in relationships. Say that you’re going after someone, I feel it’s… My clients tend to laugh at me when I give dating references because I’ve been out of the game so long now that I end up talking about things like Tinder and they’re like, “Ellie, Tinder is not cool anymore. That’s just not a thing anymore.” Apparently it’s about other apps, I have no idea. But, essentially say you’re going on a date with somebody and you’re going on a date with that person and you know because you’ve had previous conversations with them, you’re like, “They’re my person. They’re my soulmate. I am so into this person.” If you showed up and you came on real strong and you were a full-blown stage five clinger to that person and you didn’t allow things to unfold and trust that you are lovable, no matter what, then you’re probably not going to end up with that person. Because energetically that’s just not going to work.

 

Business is the same. If you are a stage five clinger to what it is that you want, energetically, it’s probably not going to happen because it just doesn’t work in that way. Always bringing it back to that relationship example of, how would you show up if that was a partner or a potential partner? There would be that element of easefulness that you would be creating and trusting the situation that you would be creating rather than attaching a full-blown stage five clinger.

 

Clare:

Yes. This is something I’m such a big believer in. It’s so funny as coaches when you’re looking at a situation from the outside. Let me give you an example. This… Oh, sorry. Last month one of my clients missed their target and it was like, “Oh my gosh, the world’s falling down.” I was like, “Are you joking? You’ve had the most incredibly successful year. You have been upleveling and upleveling and why are you attaching so much to… Who cares what one month said, you have grown so much.” From the outside, this stuff is so easy to see, but when you’re in it, people make a target or a missed opportunity mean so much more than what it actually is.

 

Ellie:

A 100%.

 

Clare:

But when you’re in it, I know this still happens to me, when you’re in it, it feels really, really tough. We’ve spoken a lot about self-worth, about how to go off to something but then let go of it. Is there any other things that you’d like to share about the relationship between self-worth and wealth and why the two are so closely connected and how people can use their self-worth to create more wealth in their business?

 

Ellie:

Something that I talk about a lot is this concept of mindset, which is essentially separating yourself from your business. If you don’t have a really strong, stable sense of self-worth, then it’s really easy to make everything that happens in your business your fault. I didn’t reach those targets because I’m not good enough. I can’t show up online because what are people going to say about me? What are people going to think about me? I am not a good speaker, therefore I just could never do that. I can’t close sales calls, I don’t know how to do that. All of that meshing together yourself and your business, which tends to happen if you don’t have that stable grounding of self-worth, whereas if you do have a stable grounding of self-worth, it’s much easier to be. Okay, you could see me right now. I’m putting one hand on one side and another on the other side.” It’s like, you’re over here and your business is over here and you can really clearly differentiate the two. Therefore, you’re not making things your fault. You’re not making things wrong. It’s like, cool. I can put my CEO hat on and step into my business over here and know that whatever happens is not about me. It’s not because I’m not good enough. It’s not because I’m not worthy. It’s because I created this thing and that I need to test it and I need to tweak it. I need to change it. I need to uplevel it. You get so much more strategic and you show up as the CEO of your business. Could you imagine if you and I was sitting in a boardroom of a fortune 500 company and the CEO is sitting at the head of the table and they’re talking about some new business strategy and the CEO was like, “I just don’t think that I’m good enough to be able to be the spokesperson for that really great idea.” Could you imagine how strange that would be.

 

Clare:

Exactly.

 

Ellie:

And yet we do that so often especially if we’re not focusing on our self-worth. That’s, I guess the biggest thing that I’d want to say is when you prioritize focusing on you and doing that in a work, it means that you’re able to show up more fully for your business. I also think it’s useful to share at this point, if you’re listening and you’re like, “Oh, but I have self-worth wobbles all the time.” I always feel those feels, we’re not saying that you’re never going to have those experiences or those feelings. It’s probably still going to happen daily, but as long as you’re committing to that in a work every single day and you’re showing up for yourself every single day, you’re always going to be doing the best for yourself so that you can then be the best version possible. And when you’re the best version possible, you’re going to make strategic smart decisions that help you to build the wealth you desire.

 

Clare:

Yeah. I love that. And I definitely think and correct me if you disagree, but I think that you don’t dip down to the same level. Let me share an example. I remember the very, very first time that I had a sales call and was sitting there thinking, is someone actually going to pay me for coaching? I was like, “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.” And then, I closed my very first client. It was amazing. From then on your prices go up and all of those different things. It blows my mind to think, well, why wouldn’t someone pay me for my time? So I’m not dropping back to that previous. When you do have the wobbles, you’re not falling right back to, “No one’s ever going to pay me to work with me again.” It’s more just like, maybe a slightly different challenge that you’re struggling with rather than starting back at square one again. You definitely in time become accustomed to, I knew a certain level of worthiness and a certain level of wealth. I don’t know if that’s helpful.

 

Ellie:

I think that’s a great way of describing it because it’s true. You’ve built so much evidence to suggest that you can do those things. So you built evidence to suggest that you can price yourself at a certain way. and so, you can’t like rewrite that evidence that’s been created. And I actually think that’s so wonderful, because really when you think about the celebrations that we have in business, that’s almost like an extra layer that we don’t celebrate. It’s like, that’s your first 10k month. You can never not say that you can’t do 10k months. That’s your first 200k launch and you can never say that you can’t do that.

 

Clare:

Yeah, exactly. And it’s just normal. It just becomes that thing, like, of course, I make $10K a month. Of course, I make $20k a month. Of course, I make $50k a month. And that just becomes your new energetic alignment of what you’re capable of achieving in your business. Great analogy. Thank you so much for everything you’ve shared today, Ellie. There’s been so many nuggets of wisdom in here and I’m sure the listeners will go and take plenty away from today. If people are loving your vibe and they’d like to connect with you, what’s the best way for them to do so?

 

Ellie:

Probably, if you’re a podcast lover, then, which you probably are, if you’re here, then definitely Shine Online with Ellie Swift and I will be riffing with the lovely Clare very soon over there, as well. And then on Instagram is probably the best way to chat. I love a chat in the DM at @elliehswift.

 

Clare:

Amazing. I’ll pop those links in the show notes for today’s episode. If you’re on the go, if you’re out on your walk and you think, I want to go and check her out, I’ll make sure that you can go and click on the link for today. Ellie, thank you so much for joining us and I’m sure we’ll be chatting again very soon.

 

Ellie:

Such a pleasure. I’ve loved it. Thank you so much for having me.

 

Clare:

Thanks so much for listening. If you love this episode, please share it with your audience and don’t forget to tag me on Instagram at @Clare_Wood_Coach. And also make sure you hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Have an abundant week, and I look forward to talking to you again next week.

 

About your host

Hi, I’m Clare Wood – I’m a numbers geek, a travel lover, a reality tv addict, and a passionate business coach. I’m here to empower you to create an extraordinary business and an amazing life; because I believe you don’t have to choose between the two.

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