Becoming magnetic with Erika Cramer

When it comes to attracting money or other things in your life, your energetic state is everything.

In today’s episode, I chat to Erika Cramer AKA the Queen of Confidence about how you can become more magnetic and attract the things that you want into your life.

To be released Tuesday 14 January 2025

Shownotes:

  • How to actually recognize if you are in a magnetic state or not?

  • If you are not in a magnetic state, how can you start to shift out of it?

  • The five phases of becoming magnetic

Guest Bio & Links

From a challenging past marked by trauma, abuse, and foster care, to joining the U.S. Army as a teenager and facing life-altering adversities like breaking her back and early widowhood, Erika Cramer has journeyed through monumental struggles. Today, she is renowned as The Queen of Confidence, a global leader in the world of confidence coaching, empowering women worldwide to reclaim their lives. To date, her programs have transformed the lives of hundreds of thousands of women globally. 
 
Erika is also a international speaker, an award winning podcast host and author of a best-selling book.  She is pursuing all these endeavours while also working toward a Bachelor’s degree in psychotherapy. Erika Cramer’s life is a testament to the unyielding power of resilience and healing, proving that overcoming obstacles only serves to make us stronger. She is on a dedicated mission to support as many women as possible in healing their past, reclaiming their power, and creating the life of their dreams.
 
THE QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE WEBSITE >
THE QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE INSTAGRAM >
BUY THE BOOK BECOMING MAGNETIC >

Transcript

* Transcript created by AI – may contain errors or omissions from original podcast audio

When it comes to attracting money or other things in your life, your energetic state is everything. On today’s episode of the podcast, I chat to Erika Cramer AKA the Queen of Confidence about how you can become more magnetic and attract the things that you want into your life. This is such a great conversation. I’m sure you will enjoy.

CLARE: Welcome back to the podcast again, Erika. It’s so wonderful to have you here.

ERIKA: I’m so happy to be back with you, my love. We look at us with a pink and the blue. We’re doing it.

CLARE: All in the brand colors. I love it. I love it. And you know, last time you came on the podcast, we were chatting about the The rapid growth that you’d experienced in your business at the time. But this time you’re coming on the podcast to talk all about your brand new book, becoming magnetic. But before we dive into that, there might be some people listening who maybe live under a rock who don’t know who you are.

Could you please Introduce yourself to the listeners.

ERIKA: Yes. Hello. So I am Erika from AmErika. Otherwise known as the queen of confidence and I am a confidence and mindset coach and I support women to basically back themselves, stand in who they are unapologetically in the world, whether it’s life or business or relationships, I really give a loving bitch slap, which I want to preface the loving side of things.

To just be your big sister and kick your butt into believing in yourself and going for what you want. So I get to podcast and do the beautiful things that we get to do and run lots of events with women and strictly work with women. And I feel like we need it so much. We need that encouragement and that ass kicking to back ourselves, to build the amazing lives and businesses that we, it’s our birthright. So I’m pumped about it.

CLARE: Oh, I’m so excited. So maybe you could start by telling us a little bit about your book, Becoming Magnetic.

ERIKA: Yes. So the book started off as show up, stand up, speak up. So it was not about becoming magnetic. There was a little section about becoming magnetic and. My publisher was like, What is that?

I’ve heard about this word. It’s starting to become very, you know, there’s buzzwords like trauma had its time, right? And everything was traumatizing and trigger warning. And then magnetism has kind of started like my aura and becoming magnetic. And so there was a small section of my original book that ended up taking over the whole book.

And now the book is about becoming magnetic. And so when I look about, or when I think about magnetism, I see it personally, Clare, as connection and literally I feel that magnetism is connection. It’s that you’re walking down the street and you see me and I see you and we lock eyes and we’re like, good morning.

And you’re like, hi. And we walk past each other and our bubbles our aura, our energy, our vibe. smashes into each other and it’s fireworks and then we keep walking and someone would say, well, what’s the point of that? And it’s like, the point of that is that I get to build connection and share my energy with another human being with nothing in return that I desire and need.

And I just do that because that’s who I am. And so I, for a very long time, I used to think like confidence my first book about confidence is that some people have it others don’t and with magnetism we all attract it’s about attracting what you want. It’s about your essence or your vibe attracts your tribe, or your aura whatever you want to call it.

And so we all have a vibe, you know, maybe you’re the moody lady at work. Or maybe you’re the happy person at work or maybe you’re the outgoing bubbly person, but like if you don’t decide your personal brand and who you are, people will decide for you based off of the energy that you’re putting out. And so I wanted to talk about how we can start to attract what we desire and confidence is wrapped into their presence is fully in there, and a lot of doing the internal work.

is what helps us externally show up as a magnetic aura, happy, glowy, vibey person. And so, yeah, it’s, it’s about that. It’s about how you can actually become magnetic and it’s five phases and it is very practical. As we were saying before we started recording, it is no fluff, no vague. It’s, it’s in depth step by step micro skills on becoming a magnetic woman.

CLARE: I love love love this topic and I think it’s really relevant to the listeners of the podcast because you know my podcast is all about money and I know firsthand we’ve had these conversations your energy when it comes to money is is everything you can be in a magnetic state or you can be in a state where.

You are not magnetic. And this is what I think is really cool because I got to, I grabbed the early bonuses because I obviously signed up to grab your book. And I listened to your, your podcast, which was one of the bonuses. And you were talking in the podcast about how it’s not like people just naturally have a magnetic state.

You can cultivate magnetism through the things that you do. So let’s talk a little bit about that. If, first of all, how do you actually recognize if you are in a magnetic state or not?

ERIKA: Yeah. Well, I feel like magnetism or when you’re magnetic, it feels easy. And it’s not easy, but you get ease, right? And ease comes with you doing the hard yards.

And your work prehand and people see you and they’re like, Oh my God, Clare, you’re not embarrassed to get on stage. You wrote a book, you do a podcast. You look like you’re not scared or you’re confident, but it’s like, yeah, but it, cause it’s years of practice and failing and falling down. And so when you’re in your magnetic self, there’s synchronicities like.

The thing that you desire, I love Louise Hay, she used to say like lights go green and parking lots are open. Like you got a parking spot and the light is green and it’s like, yes, and it feels like that. Now, not everything, things do happen badly for every human, I believe, and me included, but it’s how we deal with it.

And it’s looking at what comes to us and how we repel the things that are not for us and how we attract the things that we want. And just by being in alignment with that, like, this is who I am. This is what I desire. Take care. And having that come off of you, the things that you want start to find you, right?

The people that you want to get close to come to you because it is like that frequency that you’re on is where you can attract from. And if you’re very low frequency, negative, you know, just low vibe, you’re going to be at low vibe. You can’t access high vibe when you’re at low vibe. And so I feel like when you’re in your magnetic state, You get the eyes, people smile, people want to be around you.

They want to come up to you. It’s almost like you mesmerize people and they have no idea how the hell or what you’re doing. And they don’t even know. They’re like, I just had to come up and say hi to you. You look amazing. I love your hat. What are you doing? You know, and they just, they can’t not be around you and they want to know what you’re about.

And it’s this beautiful contagion like spreading a happy virus, you know, and you, you rub off on people in a great way. And I feel like business is easier. Money is easier. Relationships work. You get so many amazing friends when you’re in this state, your children get to witness a glow about you that rubs off on them and the way you nurture the way you love the way you show up as a, as a business owner as a parent.

I mean it affects every area and I think it’s such a beautiful gift that we all have that we can give ourselves when we remove. The layers of the things that block it.

CLARE: One of the things that I love that the way that you talk about, I guess, energetics, it’s quite similar to, I guess, the way that I talk about it, because there’s a lot of you know, super like woo conversations out there.

But for me, like the way that I teach about energy is that. It’s, it’s actual physics as well. Like you literally are emitting frequencies and and that is what you are attracting back into you. And also different people, like, there’s not like a. I’m magnetic that everyone’s magnetized to one specific person and I think that that’s the other thing that I love that you talk about really beautifully is that anyone it’s not like there are there are people who are magnetic and people who will never be magnetic totally.

Magnetism exists on all kinds of of levels and I’m really really excited to share with the listeners a little bit more about it so first of all I want to. So you’ve spoken about, like, how you can tell if you’re in a magnetic state, what if you are in one of those? I’ve recently been in one of those come out the other side.

It was amazing. But when you were in, I guess, like, an energetic funk when you’re in one of those, like, what is going on with me? Things just aren’t clicking. And even if outwardly you’re. You know, you can be doing all the things, saying all the things. Does that make sense? And that something is just not clicking.

So if you were in that state, how can you start to shift out of it?

ERIKA: That was me yesterday.

CLARE: Beautiful. Great timing. I

ERIKA: know. I was like, I feel like that was me yesterday. So for context, I had, I have had like seven whiplashes and my neck is very sensitive. And so I think we spoke about this. Yeah, I, I’ve had a, I’ve had a major car accident

CLARE: as well.

Yeah. And so it’s the same for me. I go through stages where I, yeah, it’s flared up. It’s not cool.

ERIKA: Very expensive pillow with my very expensive silk pillowcase at Crown Casino. Anyway, I was very sad about that. And so I had a night where I didn’t have my pillow and how ridiculous. Plus I’m lifting heavy weights and.

Probably very stressed right before my book, good stress. And so I just, I didn’t sleep well. I woke up with a headache, which is I don’t ever get headaches. I’m shout out to anybody out there who gets headaches. I love you. I’m sending you love because that is the worst way to wake up. And so it’s really difficult when you wake up crappy and you don’t feel good.

And then I had a day of podcasts. So what I had to do before I got out of bed, I do like a body scan and a check in, right? So I’m just like. How am I right now? And usually it takes me a moment. I knew I was not good. I was like, I am bad. I am angry and frustrated. Things aren’t working. And so it just seemed like all I could see if I had glasses on was bad problem, problem, shit.

That people that aren’t doing what they need to be doing. And I was just like, I know this isn’t true about the world. I know this isn’t true about my publishers. I know this isn’t true about, you know, I was frustrated at everyone. And my husband was like, when is your period coming? And I was like, no, it’s not that something else.

And so I had to go inward and really check in. So what I like to do is check in. How am I right now? And if you do get an answer, like, I’m not good, I’m angry, I’m sad, I need to attend to myself. There’s no way I’m walking into the world or going to greet my children or do anything until I have made some amends with myself.

And so it’s really nice when you have that self awareness and self mastery, which is phase one of becoming magnetic, by the way, out of the five phases, when you can self self reflection, sorry, self mastery is self awareness, self reflection, and self acceptance. And so I had to do that. And I do that quickly now because I know how to do it, but I wasn’t going to be able to start my day with the funk and the crappiness.

And I don’t like to fake it till I make it. I hate that with a passion. I want to be honest with how I’m feeling. And so I will say no to something, or I’ll be like, I need some more time just so my energy’s right, because we, I firmly believe we, energy doesn’t lie. So we could like smile. In through the eyes.

I’m like, I can smell it. I’m like, you’re going to cry in five minutes, lady, or this and this. And I’m right because I can feel them. And so I try my hardest to deal with what’s going on. And, or if I can’t deal with it, put it out there. Hey, everyone. So happy to be here really quickly. I’m having the worst day ever.

So if my energy feels off, that’s why I’m going to try my hardest to smile. But. Some shit’s going on for me right now. Cool. And I just dumped the funk. And when I dump it, I kind of put the subconscious into the conscious and then I’m like, Oh, okay. I don’t have to pretend. And then it like magically goes away.

CLARE: Yeah. I love that because I think there’s something about declaring it as well. It’s like, if you can sense my energy, I I’m, I’m just being really transparent because sometimes we can’t. Like it’s unavoidable. Like if you’re on your book tour and you’re having one of those days, you can’t say, Hey, we’re going to put it off for a week because people have traveled and booked, you know, done the thing.

So you’re like, well, I’m going to have to still go ahead, but yeah, I’m just going to own how I’m feeling.

ERIKA: And you learn how to do it. I think you learn how to do it quicker. Like I’ve had clients say to me, I had a bad day. I’m like a bad 24 hours. Like, damn, we got to get better at that. We got to get better at putting that fire out.

Like, I don’t think you can have a bad year or a bad month or a bad day. I feel like we have moments. And even, even if you did feel like you had a bad day, I like to tell myself, this is a moment. And in five minutes, my little one is going to come and run to me and be like, good morning, mommy. I’m not bad anymore.

I’m happy. I’m so grateful in this moment. It doesn’t mean my problems went away. But in this present moment, my beautiful son is hugging me. He’s happy to see me and I love him. And we’re having a love exchange. And I could choose to keep that energy or put that down, go back to where’s my anger. Where did I put that?

Oh, there you are. Come back into me. It’s like, What? It’s a good choice. And so I try to be in the present moment and then be with it and then do my pity party, do my cry. I cry a lot. That helps me when I’m frustrated. I just cry and rant. And then I’m an external processor. So I have to get it out of me, whether it’s a voice note or it’s my husband, God bless him.

And then I’m like, okay, we’re good. So yeah, I feel like if you’re listening to this and you’re like, man, I’ve had a bad day. I’m Even the language like a bad 24 hours. That’s a lot. That’s a lot. It’s like shit. Is that true? Actually, it’s not true I had a great dinner So I had a tough moment and I think that helps me to know that it’s not gonna be forever And then there’s a choice that I can change my energy in another moment in an instant, you know

CLARE: I love that.

We do a thing at night where we do high, low, what do you know? And as a family, we go around and we say a high from the day, a low from the day and a lesson that we’ve learned. And one of the things like with my kids, they’ll often be like, there was no high points. And I’ll be like, well, let’s, let’s break down the day.

What about this morning when we went for a walk to the beach? And they’re like, all right. And we’re like, okay, there’s one. What about when this happened? And it’s, it really is a great tool in starting to recognise to your point, like Okay, maybe there was a lot of tough challenges that came up for you during there, but there was also some beautiful moments that happened and

ERIKA: we can recognize

CLARE: those.

Yeah,

ERIKA: a little family meeting and it’s like, well, how was your day? Everybody goes, how was your day? And then it’s like, were there any challenges? And they’re like, yeah. And then it’s like, what are you grateful for? And so it’s nice. It’s nice because kids, you’re right. They look at the day, but then as I start talking, they’re like, and then what’s happened and then what’s happened.

And you’re like, okay, it’s time for bed.

CLARE: Exactly. But it’s funny, like with, it’s, it’s easy to see it in other people sometimes. And, you know, like talking about energy, sometimes you can be like, what’s wrong with you. And you’re not, a lot of people don’t even have this self awareness to actually ask themselves exactly the same question.

ERIKA: Crazy. Crazy. It’s so important the self awareness piece like it really is like I think people disregard self awareness like oh self awareness But it’s like you just knowing that you feel a way then you can make a choice. You can take a pause And choose a different reaction. That’s like, that’s huge.

Like, please, if you’re, if you’re in that phase right now, give yourself a high five, because it really is, because that’s when you can make a choice. If you’re just reactive and you don’t even know autopilot, that’s, that’s hard because you’re going to have to figure out how to realize what you’re doing and slow down enough.

So I think it’s an amazing thing to be aware.

CLARE: And what’s the next phase of becoming magnetic?

ERIKA: So the first one is self mastery. The second one is your true north, your values. So you’re working on self mastery, which by the way is forever. You’re welcome. Never master yourself. Yeah. And I’m like, there’s a quote at the beginning of chapter five, which is the self mastery and it’s like, you won’t master yourself.

That’s ridiculous because your self is always shifting and changing and evolving, but being in pursuit of self mastery is fantastic because you’ll always try to be better and be a better version of yourself. So that’s phase one. Phase two is the true north and it’s all about your values. And I really feel like when you know who you are and what you stand for and what you value and you can live those values, not just put them down on a piece of paper, but actually go, how does this look for me?

How does it look for me showing up authentically online? How does it look for me having an abundance mindset? What does that look like? And then there’s an exercise in there where we’re like, rate yourself today. Like our, how abundant is your mindset? And it’s like, Oh, it’s a two. It’s like fantastic. So you’re going to be out of alignment so much.

And not knowing why you feel the way you feel. So if you’re going to become magnetic, you need to know who you are and what you stand for in the moment. And we are ever evolving and ever changing. So I’m not like know who you are because who you are is not who you were six months ago and who you’re going to be next year, this version of Clare is not her, you’re not going to be this next year.

So you won’t really know who you are, but you’ll know who you are in the moment. And so. It’s important because I think we do things out of alignment and we have desires that are not from our alignment. And so then we don’t attract what we want, or we attract the life that our parents said we should have, or that society said we should have.

And then we’re like, Oh, I hate my life. Why am I not magnetic? And it’s like, you’re not aligned with your values. You don’t even know what you value. And so this is an exercise and a, and a big part of chapter six, because you can’t attract and be magnetic when you don’t know who you are and what you value.

CLARE: Can I ask you a question on this? Because I reflected on my life. I think that my values have changed over time.

ERIKA: Oh, totally. Every six months we do it.

CLARE: Okay. Yeah. So your true north, like your, your values can actually be ever evolving, like, it’s a self mastery.

ERIKA: So they will, they’ll change. Like, for example, last year my mom got sick.

My husband and I value ourselves first, our relationship second, and our children third. And I know that sounds crazy to people, but like, my kids don’t come first, my husband comes first. My kids will leave if I do a great job, and me and him are going to be together forever. So, I kind of come first and Hamish.

And so, my mom got sick. And instantly, my mother and her wellness jumped into the The tear and it was like, shit, where are we putting her? She can’t be fourth or fifth. She’s unwell right now. So we had to take our money, our children, our time, and just make ourselves go to AmErika, do things we didn’t want to do turned out to be amazing as well as painful, but.

Instantly, we’re like, Oh, we need to revisit what we value and what our plans were. And so moments where someone dies or you get really sick, or, I mean, this happens to people. I’m sure you’ve seen a client of yours that’s got cancer who all of a sudden they don’t value growing their audience online. They value their family.

They value their health. They value their. So I recommend every six months to sit down and just go, Hey, self, what are my values? Hey, husband or wife, Hey, family, Hey, career in business. You know, you might chase money and fame and all this shit when you’re young and then when you hit 45, 50, you’re like, I don’t give a shit about followers.

I want to chill at the beach or whatever, you know, like your values will change. So 100 percent agree to check on those because if not, you will start going down a path. That you thought you wanted to arrive at and then when you get there, you’re like, Oh, I have a Maserati and I hate my life, you know,

CLARE: yeah, it’s very true.

And it’s, yeah, it’s a lot of times we are uncovering like this, it’s like this onion that we’re peeling back the layers of and we’re like, Oh, yeah. I thought I really wanted this thing, or I thought I wanted to be this person. And then when you get there, you go, okay, maybe I need, maybe my values have changed.

Maybe what I truly desire is a little bit different than what I, I first thought. And so what’s the next stage of your framework?

ERIKA: Then the third one is creating your own Toshigo. And that’s so fun, as fun as it sounds, Clare. So. You are mastering yourself, your awareness, you’re doing the work, and self mastery, I want to say, is basically radical responsibility, crying your tears, overcoming your past, all the bad, dark shit that no one wants to do.

And I can say that after over a decade of working with thousands of women from 60 plus countries, People do not want to do that. Straight up, the problem you have in your life is because you won’t go there. Just go there and everything you want will open up. It’s gonna suck. So, phase one is that. Phase two, values.

Phase three is creating your alter ego. So now it’s like, who is the future version of you? Who’s the Clare 10 years from now? Who’s the Clare that has everything you want, like everything you want. She’s uncapped, unlimited. She’s out there living the life and you tap into her essence. And you’re like, Oh, she is fun.

She is spicy. She has this much money. She has this. These are the people around her. These are the thoughts that she’s thinking. This is how she walks into a room. This is how she negotiates her salary, whatever. And we just go to her. And we grab some of her and bring her into the now. So we tap into the future self and we step into her now as much as we can.

And so it’s creating that 2. 0 that alter she go dressing like her, thinking like her, tapping into her. I had a client earlier today who said like my cloak of confidence. And I’m like, cool. It’s a cloak of confidence, you know, Harry Potter, whatever. If that’s yours. Put it on. Mine is a hat. Mine is bright nails.

Mine is sequins. And she gets on stage and my alter shego is like, Hello! She’s unlimited. She doesn’t care. She’s having fun. Am I always like that? No. But the more I tap into and create her, The more she becomes who I am and the less Beyonce I am, the more Sasha Fierce I step into, you know, and so I really love this exercise.

I break down a full exercise. She’s got a theme song, her values. What does she believe in? And for those that love manifestation, this is literally how you become the woman that you want to become. If you want to be her, you have to think like her. You have to dress like her. You have to act like her. You got to be her now.

And then when you be her now, you do what she does and you’ll get her results. And explain

CLARE: to the listeners how that works.

ERIKA: Yeah. So basically there’s this old coaching term that’s like be do have, right. And a lot of people are like, you know, they have it opposite. It’s like, if I do, let’s say Beyonce, I want to have Beyonce’s body.

So, if only I had Beyoncé’s body, then I would do what Beyoncé does and then, yeah, I’d be Beyoncé. And it’s like, no, honey, if I had Beyoncé’s body right now, Clare, I would do what Erika Kramer does. I would have Erika Kramer’s body that used to be Beyoncé’s body. She, like, exercises a lot. She dances nine hours a day or something.

No, that wouldn’t work. So instead, how could I be Beyonce right now? How could I be happy right now? How could I be abundant right now? How could I be confident right now? Then it’s like when I’m being confident. What is, what is a confident Erika do? Well, confident Erika applies for a TEDx confident. Erika shows up on social media, whether she has makeup or not confident, Erika backs herself and joins that coaching program, even though she’s scared because she wants to level up.

She invests the money and does the thing like that version of me does those actions because she’s being her. And so if you’re trying to do something to have a result, hoping you’ll become that person. That’s not going to work. And so we really need to flip the script. And so in the altar, she go, there’s a part in the book that’s called enclosed cognition.

And it’s actually a psychological concept that psychiatrists would use. And they basically would say, if you dress like a like Martin Luther King would wear glasses and he doesn’t, he wasn’t blind. He would just wear them because it would make him feel like. A distinguished gentleman. So he’d do speeches with glasses and he could see well, but he felt like this makes me feel like I am someone special.

You know, I’m Serena Williams has her special socks that she wears for every match and she wins. There are certain athletes that have rings that they put on or certain things that they do to anchor them into this person, and it’s actual science that if you dress a certain way, not only will you perform better.

But people will respond to you as that way that you show up. And so I really wanted to give women like a fun exercise that they could have permission to step into their alter. She go, I do this as a keynote. And there was a woman in Queensland and she was like, Sarah Swift. Like that was her alter. She goes name.

Cause she loves Taylor Swift. And I love that. I think it’s fun. It allows us the permission to walk around at a coffee shop, ordering coffee, like the queen of confidence is my alter. She go, you know, I’m not her, I’m trying to be her every day. And so it’s really an embodiment of that future version of you.

And if we take the time to tap into her, we build her and we step into her and we will get the results that she gets.

CLARE: Yeah, I love that. And what that looks like is going to be different for everyone as well. You know, you’re in sequence and wearing your hats and doing all the things. And for other people, it might be gosh, I don’t know, blow drying their hair or some people actually get more confident by not, I know some people are like, I’m actually more, more confident when I’m not wearing anything and I’m not trying to be.

You know, putting on this face. So I think that that, that whole state of creating that, and I guess what’s happening when you’re doing that is that you are, because you are acting as this person again and again, your brain starts to blur. Like, am I actually this person or, you know, am I, am I becoming this other version of me?

Yeah. Do you

ERIKA: know why I think that happens? Like, this is what I personally believe. I believe, and it’s the same thing with your thoughts. If you think thoughts like, my husband’s not romantic. My husband’s not romantic. My husband’s not romantic. You will see every time you look at your husband, a man who’s not romantic.

No matter if he’s packing the kid’s lunches, cleaning the car, washing the dishes, Hamish washes my underwear. If he didn’t wash my clothes, I literally would have no clothes. Hamish is not romantic, air quotes, in the way that I’m like, buy me flowers and tell me I’m pretty. But the man does everything. And so in his own way, he’s doing his expression of romance.

But if I continue to tell the story that he’s not, he’s not. Guess who shows up every day in the house? An angry wife. Who thinks he’s not adequate, who thinks he’s not good enough, who points the finger, who doesn’t feel fulfilled. So I show up as woman who’s unhappy, critical, unfulfilled, not good enough husband.

So husband responds to that version of Erika. Husband doesn’t respond to I love my wife. She’s beautiful. She’s loving because who I’m being is a pissed off, angry, critical woman. So when you dress in a way that makes you feel shit, you show up as shit, right? If you dress, if sweatpants are your alter, she goes thing.

Fantastic. All that matters is that you feel good. I’m not, I’m not wearing sequins because I want other, I love it. Like I love it for myself. It’s actually ridiculous. The shit I wear. Most people look at me like, what the hell are you doing lady? Like on stage in front of banks and stuff. They’re just like, this lady’s crazy.

And I love it. That’s, that’s for me, for someone else. It might be, it might be not apologizing so much. Their alter. She go might be unapologetic and she doesn’t say, but just. Do you understand what I mean? She doesn’t say stuff like that because she’s like, what I said, I said, and I am, I’m boundaried up and maybe that’s your alter.

She goes, she has boundaries. She doesn’t apologize. Right. She shows up. She doesn’t shake her voice, whatever. She says yes. A lot. Instead of saying, no, I can’t do it. So it doesn’t have to just be physical. Although the, the physical is a component that I think we forget to have fun with, you know, we save our sparkly shoes for like a special occasion.

And I’m like the fact that you’re living and breathing, that’s a special occasion. Like your life is a special occasion. And obviously Clare, you know, I died almost multiple times and my husband died. And so I have a real essence for life and the air that’s in my lungs. And so I just. I just turn it up all the time because I know time isn’t guaranteed.

But yeah, you could be in beige, country road. You could be in no hats. Your alter chico doesn’t have to be crazy and loud. It’s about her essence and her presence, really.

CLARE: Yeah, I love that. I love that embodying, like becoming magnetic by, by becoming that next level version of you. Beautiful. And then what comes next?

Is that, is this the destination? What?

ERIKA: Almost. So phase four is called the evolution. And now that’s the test. So you’re mastering yourself. You know, your values, you know, where your true north is. You’re in alignment with yourself. You’re out there being this altered version of yourself, practicing to be her.

And now the test comes. The ex boyfriend that you broke up with starts texting you your mother in law starts breaking your boundaries, right? Your job starts saying, can you stay late again? And you don’t want to do that because your alter ego doesn’t do that. And if you fail the test, you just go back to the cycle.

Because the thing is, it’s easy to say, I value this. I want to be this person. The real test is when you go out into the world and the world responds to who you have been. They don’t know you’ve got an alter ego, they don’t know that you’re doing your inner work and you’re crying in therapy and that you’re healing your childhood trauma.

They don’t know that. All they know is who you have been. So they have been reacting, if we stay with the example with the husband that’s not romantic, you have been the grumpy wife that criticizes and talks shit to her husband and doesn’t feel like he’s good enough. That’s who you’ve been. So now the evolution comes where they treat you like that and you’re like, oh no guys, I got a makeover.

I’m becoming magnetic. And that’s not me anymore. And so I love this phase because it’s really where the world responds to who do you think you are? You think you’re better than us now, do you think you’re blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. ’cause you’re doing this and doing that. And you go, no, but this is who I am.

And you get a chance in this phase to really cement. Who you are, what you believe in, who you want to be now. And it changes. You’re going to have to change the world that you created. By the way, the world and the people that are in the world you created, it’s like, you’re in an environment and you’re a plant in a pot and you have no sun.

And your, your soil is terrible. You don’t have the little fertilizer beads and you’re dry. And I’m like, repot yourself into another pot. And now people are trying to put you back in that old dirt. And you’re like, no guys. I’m in the sunlight now, you know, I getting neutralizer beads and I’m getting sun and water and I’m loving my life, but they’re used to you being over here.

And so you shift your environment needs to change as you change. And that will come as a test and it’ll feel terrible. But if we overcome it and we stick to sorry we stick to who we want to be. You pass the test and then you go to phase five, which is your magnetic aura. Ah, it’s where everybody wants to arrive at.

And so that one is, it’s kind of the end. It’s like, yes, you’re glowing. You’re flowing like doors open. People are like attracting to you. Someone says, no, you’re like, cool, no worries. They say, yes, that’s a no, because that’s a yes. And you’re just in this beautiful flow state. And I think many people want to have a magnetic aura, but they’re not willing to do phase one, phase two, phase three, phase four.

And I meet you at phase five. That’s where the world meets you. They meet your energy. They meet your frequency. They meet your field. They don’t know what you’ve done. Nobody knows. Nobody ever knows, Clare, that I broke my back and I have metal in my back, that I was kidnapped, that I was a foster kid, that my husband died.

Like, they just know me and Hamish are happy and Eric is the queen of confidence. And I’m like, oh girl, if you look under the hood, there’s a lot under there, you know? But people don’t know that because they see beaming confidence, woman in pink. But like, it’s because I’ve done so much of the phase one.

And then phase two and then phase three and they meet me there. So it’s an important distinction that who cares about all the work you’ve done because they’re going to meet you at your aura, but your aura will be beautiful and you will have a great connection with other people and you will get what you want if you’re willing to do phase one to four.

CLARE: So when you talk about getting what you want, what kind of things, like if people are like, Oh gosh, Erika, sounds like a lot of work. Why would people want to go on this journey? Why does every woman need to read this book?

ERIKA: I was just saying to my husband, we made coffee this morning and the sugar splashed.

It broke, the glass broke because we were both trying to make his coffee, trying to work together. And it made you guys so cute. I’ll do this for you. Give me the spoon. And then he splashed it and the coffee went everywhere. And that was what he was upset about the coffee spilling, not the glass and the sugar everywhere.

Right. And I looked at him and I was like, thank goodness that we are happy. And we love each other. Like, thank good. Can you imagine doing life in a relationship where you hate your partner? In a job that you despise in a home that you hate in any of that and from my experience working with so many women.

There are so many women who are in miserable lives lives that they lead every day that they’re unhappy. There’s not 100 out of 100. Some are 10s in their health and their wellness. They don’t love the way they look, they have issues with their external family, their children are lacking or on medication and all these things.

And so Hamish and I really believe that every human gets to have a happy life. If we are willing to do the work if we’re willing to have difficult conversations if we’re willing to look inside instead of continuing to look outside as to who can fix my problems. Who’s at fault here it’s like. Look in the mirror, have that moment in the mirror, have that self reflection, get that awareness, and let’s be compassionate to ourselves.

Because when we genuinely are our own best friend, which is self acceptance and compassion for us, then every choice we make, Clare, is in alignment, right? Every opportunity we desire will come to us because we’ll put ourselves out there for it. So someone listening might hate their job and they think that’s normal.

It’s not normal. It’s not normal, by the way. It’s not normal to be a people pleaser. It’s not normal to lack confidence. It’s not normal to think you’re a piece of shit and not good enough. It’s not normal to have your teenagers hate you. That’s not normal. Like I’m not normalizing that my, my kids love me, kiss me and they’re nine, almost 10 years old.

And when they’re teens, they’re going to speak to me and talk to me because we have that communicative relationship. And so I didn’t grow up like that. My husband didn’t grow up like that. We had to heal those parts of ourselves. So we could be the kind of parents that taught by example, so our children learn that our home is a safe space, that they’re not going to get in trouble if they speak to us, that we’re not like other families, that we have our values, right?

That like we create the money, we create our opportunity and we create abundance and we can do the things we desire. And so just them being able to see that from us because we decided to go through that journey that sounds hard. I think it’s harder to sit in a life you hate, sit in a body you hate. Look at a bank account.

You hate, look at a person that you’re like, there’s no fire there. Why do you think so many people divorce and break up? And, you know, it’s really, I feel like life is a gift and we get to live a great life. And so if you don’t feel like the things that you desire, like a pay rise, like a business that’s booming, like your social media community, being a place that you’re like, I can’t wait to show up.

I love these people. A lack of confidence. Like so many of us worry what people think. I know in Australia we have tall poppy. Like That’s one area for me like I’m not mistaken when someone judges me. I know that they’re judging their version of me that lives in their mind. That’s not me. Maybe like an old version of me or whatever frozen ghost they’re picking on.

It’s not me. And so I have the freedom and I think many of us want freedom. And we say it, but this is about doing it. And yeah, it’s going to be hard. It’s not going to be easy, but fuck, is it worth it? It’s worth it.

CLARE: And the reason is, is because you can then create all of the things that you want, or maybe even don’t even realize that you want is another big thing that, yeah.

Cause I honestly think that a lot of people don’t even actually truly know what it is that they want.

ERIKA: Yeah. They don’t know themselves though. Cause that’s, yeah. We look outside, you know, if you were in a home where your family told you to be quiet, sit down, we don’t cry, we don’t do that in this family, then that’s who you become.

And then you grow up as a grown up and then you’re like, oh, I don’t want to share my opinion. Oh, I don’t know what I think. What do you think, honey? What do you think, best friend? What do you think, TV? It’s like the world will tell you who you are if you don’t know who you are. And so, especially with social media now, it can be a gift or a curse.

And for many people, social media is a curse. For me, I use it to create communication and meet amazing women like you and share a good message. But there’s a lot of people, unfortunately, that use the devices as something to keep them trapped and stuck in their nasty beliefs about themselves. And looking for an answer of like, is it Botox?

You know, is it Ozempic? Is it more money? Is it a boobs? Is it like a BBL? It’s like none of that’s going to make you happy. More followers aren’t going to make you happy. You have to find that inside. And so Becoming Magnetic starts with let’s have a look inside. Let’s move from Pain Island with all the crap and the shit you don’t want anymore over to Pleasure Island with all the fun stuff.

And that journey through the ocean is very lonely. And sometimes you feel like your GPS is broken and you don’t know where you’re going. But as you start to move away from who you have been and the stuff you don’t want anymore, even if you don’t know what you want there. Like maybe somebody listening is like, I don’t know what I want.

What don’t you want? Well, I don’t want that. Well, I’m not that. Well, that’s not who I am. I don’t know who I am. Well, who are you not? Let’s remove the layers and let’s get rid of the things that Aren’t serving us. And we all can say what those things are and then go cool. If I let that go, Ooh, some space has opened up.

And now, as I start to look on the horizon, I see this island and over there, it’s buzzing and it’s vibing. And although that lady, she looks nice and she becomes your best friend and you have a new opportunity. And so we have to be willing to get out of the frequency and the energy of lack and shame and not good enough and scarcity mindset, not just financially scarcity mindset in every area.

And the stories that don’t serve us, we have to be a willing to question those and shift our paradigm because there is a better way and it will take work like everything, but it’s honestly worth all the work. I would not be who I am. I would be on the streets addicted to drugs. I should be. I have no reason to be here.

Like I, I genuinely have all the stories to tell you that I could just be a victim. And live a really bad life. And that could have been a reality for me. And that is a reality out there in the quantum field. And I won’t be at that reality because I’m choosing to clear those things. I’m choosing to be who I want to be.

And it’s a great time of the year to do that, by the way, if you haven’t already.

CLARE: Just coming back to like helping people unlock what they really want. One of the things that I’ve heard along the years that I think is really helpful is when you get triggered, that can be an insight into something that you desire.

And I know that I’ve had people who are like, you know, when people post about how much they love each other. Other online, it’s blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, you’re ups. Why would you give a shit? Like, if you’re in a happy relationship, you would just be like, Oh, I’m so happy for you. And I know that like, you know, if you get triggered by someone sharing their financial results and you’re like, Whoa, that’s really hit a nerve with me again.

It’s probably because it’s, it’s something that maybe you don’t even realize, but you desire.

ERIKA: Yeah,

CLARE: that thing that someone’s posting about. And so sometimes there can be little clues in in your.

ERIKA: It’s so good to get triggered. And I remember I did some studies with Gabor Mate and he’s incredible. And he said that the trigger, if you look at a gun, the trigger is the smallest part of the gun, right?

Like the tiniest part of the gun. And he goes, we worry so much about blowing air on the trigger. Don’t trigger me. You triggered me. And he’s like, why don’t we ask ourselves why every single one of us are locked and loaded with explosives? And it’s like, oof, I could trigger you if it’s blank shots. I got blank shots.

But if I’m locked and loaded and I’m explosive and aah, now I’m angry because you triggered me. It’s like, whoa. Why are you, what’s all that about? And so it’s really important. I think it’s a great time to take radical responsibility, which is a big part of the book as well. Like look in the mirror. Why did someone trigger you?

Why did you get triggered? It’s a great thing when you get triggered, as you said, it just allows you to see yourself and go, Ooh, there’s something there. I need to work on fantastic and go in again. It’s all about going in instead of going out, notice how much we go out. And the answers are not out there.

They’re inside of you if you’re willing to get quiet and do the work.

CLARE: Yeah. So true. So if people are listening and thinking, Oh my gosh, I need to get my hands on a copy of this book. I know. Like I said, I’ve pre ordered mine. How can people get ahold of Becoming Magnetic?

ERIKA: Well, you can go to the queen of confidence.

com or you can go to becoming magnetic. com or you can go to Amazon or big W or anywhere. It’s everywhere. And there’s an audio book as well that I recorded. Oh, this audio book was a lot harder. Cause it’s a lot longer than my first book. So if any listeners have my first book, it is a lot thicker than my first book.

So I’m really excited about it. And if anybody does order a copy or pre order as Clare, you mentioned, there is a Some little freebies and bonuses that I wanted to give away like a private podcast and a magnetism playbook. So you can just go to the queen of confidence. com and type your order number, and then you can claim all your little freebies, which is very exciting.

And we’re going around the nation and I’m going to get to squeeze you in real life. Clare,

CLARE: I can’t wait to see you at the tour. It’s going to be amazing.

ERIKA: So excited. I’m so excited. I wanted to do a national tour, doing a global tour and then COVID happened, but anyway, that’s Now it’s four years later. So it’s exciting.

And then the book is going to the States. So if any listeners are in AmErika from May, 2025, so you can pre order the book now for AmErika, and I’ll be there in May promoting the book as well and doing signings. So it’s going to be exciting.

CLARE: Oh, how fabulous. Well, I’m going to put all of those links in the show notes for today’s episode.

Just quickly, if people are like, Stuff the book. I want to work with you. What are the ways that people can come into your world and take this work around magnetism confidence even deeper?

ERIKA: Yeah. So I have a few things. There is a five day confidence challenge, which is kind of like, I don’t know, Erika, I don’t know if she’s my flavor.

I want to just dip my toe, which I highly recommend. Just in case I’m a crazy lady and that is available on our website as well. It’s just a five day challenge things that you can do tangible things every day to build confidence in five days. And then I have a program called Next Level Your Life, and that is a 12 month coaching container where we do live coaching, and it’s about leveling up in all areas from parenting to business to self growth, really recognizing trauma and understanding how that affects us.

And I think that helps with the awareness piece. And then there’s a whole section that my husband runs around breathwork, meditation, and how we can integrate mind and body, because I think that that’s a part that we miss. There’s a lot of mind work, there’s a lot of binging podcasts. It might not be a lot of integration and processing through somatic release.

And so that program is called Next Level Your Life and it’s also on the Queen of Confidence under my courses and it’s live and I’m so excited about it.

CLARE: Oh, I’m so excited. And it’s just been absolutely wonderful having you on the podcast, wishing you every success. I know that this, this book launch will be a huge success.

And I love the work that you do in this world, empowering so many people to change their lives in big and better ways. So thank you for coming on and sharing.

ERIKA: Thank you for the work you do my friend. I can’t wait to squeeze you.

CLARE: I can’t wait to see you soon. Thanks for coming.

* Transcript created by AI – may contain errors or omissions from original podcast audio

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